Submissive men tend to be more productive and happier when they are in a structured environment. Structure sets expectations, removes, uncertainty, and removes stress. Generally, I think most people prefer structure as it helps them maintain control in their life. Even those who are spontaneous and more creative have some structure in their life. However, the submissive tends to thrive in a highly structured environment that brings out their submission, subjects them to female control and authority, and holds them accountable. In the Wife Led Marriage (WLM), structure also helps the wife maintain control and order in the household.
For the new dominant, it can seem like a daunting task to create this structure and for those of us who are experienced, maintaining that structure can be challenging at times. Over the years my WLM has progressed into a very structured environment for my husband and I have noticed that the structure has indeed made him more productive and happier. It has also alleviated stress for me and improved my standard of living. We have less arguments, there is less need for me to give him orders or explain expectations, and he is kept busy operating within the structure, which keeps him out of trouble. It takes work and time to create structure but once in place, it makes things flow much easier in your WLM. I’d like to share some strategies and techniques for creating that structure.
Rules and Expectations
A foundational part of the structure is creating rules and expectations for your husband to follow. This includes things such as assigning him chores to do on a daily or weekly basis, his attitude when speaking to you, what decisions require your approval, and whether he requires approval for going out with friends or to social events without you. It is important that these rules and expectations are clearly understood, specific, and timebound. For example, telling him he must clean the kitchen each day is too general. The better rule is that he must clean the kitchen every night immediately after dinner, which includes dishes washed, table wiped down, and floor swept. Defining these specifics avoids any confusion on expectations but also creates the highly structured environment that appeals to the submissive.
If you are newer to WLM, I recommend you (the wife) start out by defining the rules and expectations that are most important to you and will benefit you the most versus trying to create a comprehensive list of rules. The submissive guy would absolutely love a huge list of rules as that creates a deep sense of being controlled. However, you will most likely struggle to enforce the rules, which will result in frustration and disappointment from the submissive and may discourage you from engaging further in the WLM dynamic. Additionally, as eager as submissives are to obey and please their Female Leader, they are not always ready to take on new rules and expectations. Assigning him all chores on day one will overwhelm him and he will fail in his obedience. My WLM is highly structured right now. Most of his day, every day, is comprised of doing things for me, or following rules that I have established for him. However, it was not always that way. It took me many years to get to this point.
Once you establish the base rules and expectations, it is important to pay attention to his performance and give immediate feedback for improvement if needed. In the beginning you will need to invest time into training him how to do things to your expectations. Inspect his work and make sure it is done 100% to your satisfaction and give specific feedback about where he fell short. Do not be afraid to be too demanding. A strict, demanding wife is what the submissive husband desires. Discipline and punishment should be incorporated if he does not improve. Set high expectations and hold him to them. If he is doing a good job, let him know and reward him. Feedback, discipline, punishment, and rewards are all important parts of the structured environment.
After he gets into a good routine with your base rules and expectations, you can start to layer on more rules and transition more chores and tasks to him. You can begin to add rules that are aimed at reinforcing your control over him. For example, you can define how he should dress during the day and in bed at night (Thomas must wear panties during the day and sleep naked at night), how he is to address you, or where he is allowed to sit in the house. You may also decide to take control of the finances and put him on an allowance. Ideally, you want to work up to a point where you have enough rules that every day his behavior and decisions are being directly shaped by you and the rules. This creates that continuous controlling/submissive environment that submissive men thrive in.
Establishing regular routines is another way to add structure to your WLM. Many WLMs fail or never get going because the wife struggles to stay engaged in the dynamic. This can be because she is not as interested in it as the husband, or she does not know what to do, or she just gets busy with other things and forgets about it. Incorporating routines into the WLM is a great way to overcome these barriers and help the wife stay engaged. Some routines that have worked well for me are: having a weekly review and discipline session, a food shopping routine, weekly massages from him, “Silent Sundays” – no talking for him, and “chore days” in which certain days of the week he has specific chores that he must complete. Each routine, in most cases, has a specific day and time of the week that it must be done and has a defined way in which it must be done. I even have special outfits that he must wear for many of his routines. These routines keep him productive and working for me, without me having to do a lot of explaining and commanding. Many routines involve me but the great thing is that routines like chore days do not require my immediate direct attention and so I can go off and have my own fun while my husband works and still feels the impact of my control over him.
Ladies, if you are not fully engaged in your WLM, then you should spend time understanding that last concept. Let me put it in other words – submissive guys crave to be controlled and dominated, and if done right, they will work hard for you! This means you can offload you mundane boring work to him and spend your time focused on things you enjoy. You just need to invest some of that extra time you get into monitoring, discipline, and exerting your control, and you will end up with a happy, productive husband and a better standard of living for you.
Finally, rituals are a good part of the WLM structure. Regularly planned rituals, create positive habits and reinforce your dominance and his submission. Rituals can be designed for just the submissive to do or they can involve the wife too. For many months, I required my husband to do a transition ritual after work to help him transition from work mindset to home/submissive mindset. It was a simple ritual where he had to change from regular underwear to panties and then spend a few minutes refocusing his mind. It was very effective in improving his attitude. Because it was required by me, each time he did it, he felt controlled by me, even though I was not with him. I also incorporate rituals into some of our routines. For example, during his weekly review, he strips naked and kneels and kisses my feet before we begin and after the review he kneels in the corner and focuses on how he can be a better slave.
Building the Structure With Flexibility
Once again, I want to reiterate that you do not need to everything all at once. If you try to do too much it becomes a burden and leads to frustration or disappointment. You also need to work within your lifestyle. If you both have jobs and young kids, then monthly routines might work better than weekly. I started doing monthly review session, then went to biweekly, and eventually went to weekly review sessions. It took time and experience for me to be disciplined enough to stick with a weekly routine. I also learned that committing to it weekly was a benefit to me, because it made a big difference in Thomas’ performance. Finally, as my kids got older and more self-sufficient, it became easier to dedicate more time to rituals and routines.
It is also important to allow flexibility in your structure. If you get busy it’s ok to skip a routine or push it back a day. Tasks, chores, and expectations can be adjusted by the wife as needed if there is a change in lifestyle or things get busy. While I do advocate for increasing his responsibilities and expectations over time, responsibilities and expectations can be temporarily reduced to accommodate changing circumstances. Just be careful not to lose your structure all together. If you are starting to skip things frequently, then your structure is at risk. You need to work hard to get back to the routine. This is even more critical during busy or stressful times. Easier said than done – I know. In my earlier WLM years, our routines and rituals went off track a few times and the results were never good. Communication broke down, he started slacking off on chores, his attitude became negative, and I would get frustrated or angry with him. The good news is that we were always able to reset and get back on track so do not get discouraged if this happens to you. If you notice the structure of your WLM deteriorating and your husband’s behavior becoming less supportive or attentive to you, then it is your responsibility as the leader to reset and get things on track. For me, scheduling a discipline session followed by a punishment always provided a good reset. It’s like ripping off a band-aid – you just must acknowledge things are going south, give a little pain (the punishment), and then all is healed and you are back on track.
Hopefully you picked up a few good tips and ideas from the post. I encourage you all to put structure into your WLM and never stop building and adjusting it. It will make life so much better for the both of you. Please share your thoughts and experiences.
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