In this post, I will address one of the topics brought up in my Topic Ideas post: https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2021/10/topic-ideas.html .
Suggested topic: “The role of a male chastity cage in and FLR.. Is it really a necessity? Is voluntary chastity acceptable or do you feel the man will always cheat?”
Before addressing the questions posed, it will help to provide some background information on chastity for those who are not familiar with it. Chastity, by strict definition is the refrain from having sex. While most WLM/FLR couples do not enforce 100% chastity, it is very common for couples to use chastity as a tool to control when the male can have sex and also to prevent him from masturbating. This is typically referred to as orgasm control. Orgasm control can be done by using a chastity device that is locked around the penis, and the wife or female holds the key and determines when his cock gets unlocked for her “play time” or sex. Orgasm control can also be done on the honor system/voluntarily. In this scenario the male agrees to hand over control of his orgasms to the Female and promises not to orgasm without her permission. There is not a physical device used to prevent him from masturbating or having an orgasm.
Is the male chastity cage necessary in a WLM/FLR? No. It is up to the Female, with consent from the male, if she wants to employ a chastity device. This will depend on what the Female wants to accomplish. If, for example, she wants to completely prevent masturbation, then yes it is necessary. The male is incapable of refraining from masturbation 24/7. If she wants to prevent extra-marital sex, well then you got deeper issues with your relationship that need to be addressed. A chastity device should not be the means for accomplishing that. Perhaps in a non-married FLR arrangement, the device would be appropriate for preventing the male from having sex with others.
For orgasm control, a device can be used but it is not necessary. A chastity device can add a tremendous amount of excitement to the WLM/FLR as it opens up a whole new world of control, fun, and games. It is certainly one of the most effective methods to exert physical control over the male. There is also tremendous symbolism in having his cock locked and the Female holding the key. Many guys desire that ultimate physical control of their cock and for many women it is a thrill to hold that power, literally in the palm of their hand, with a key.
As mentioned above, orgasm control can be done on the honor system, without a device. It requires commitment and devotion from the guy to not orgasm without permission. Is there a chance the guy will cheat? Yes, there is always a chance. I’ve been told that even guys wearing chastity devices can find ways to orgasm, so they are not even 100% effective for everyone. However, if there is real commitment to the WLM/FLR, there are many deterrents from having an orgasm without permission. To start with, in a well run WLM/FLR, there are many interactions and communications between the Female and sub and so the Female is very in tune with the submissive’s emotions and state of being. The dominant Female will notice the post-orgasm sub-drop that occurs with men or the low libido and levels of arousal that occur after orgasm. The first time she calls him out on this and issues a harsh punishment for his disobedience (and this type of infraction deserves a harsh punishment), will send a clear message that it will not be tolerated. It may never get to that point, because usually the thought of being caught and being punished is a deterrent. The thought of disappointing the Female is also a deterrent. Finally, let’s not forget that orgasm control is an exciting dynamic for submissives. Most submissive men want it, and enjoy being denied orgasm. It can become a badge of honor for them to go a long time without orgasm. Therefore, they are self-motivated to obey and not orgasm without permission. If they give into their desires and orgasm, it can make them feel like a failure and ashamed.
I enforce orgasm control in my WLM and I use the honor system. I like this approach because I enjoy teasing my submissive husband throughout the day and seeing him get an erection. I enjoy knowing that even when I am not around, he is probably getting erections. This would not be possible if he was wearing a device. I don’t mind that he strokes his cock, as long as he does nor orgasm. It actually helps me, because he is teasing himself, which keeps him horny all the time for me. Do I think he has ever had an orgasm without me knowing? Yes, I am sure he has been weak a few times over the years and given into his sexual desires. Most of the time I am very in tune with him and during those times I know he has not. However, there are moments where life gets busy and the WLM structure loosens and I may not be paying close attention to him. Those are the moments where he may slip. I don’t worry about it, because I know he genuinely tries to be obedient and I know that he loves the thrill of being denied orgasm and so if he does have an unauthorized orgasm, and does not tell me, well that’s a guilt he has to live with. I would absolutely be disappointed and angry if he did not tell me and I found out about it. There would be consequences. However, I am not going to lose sleep over wondering whether or not this has occurred. My primary purpose for orgasm control is keep him in a horny and submissive state of mind because that’s what keeps him obedient, pliant, and ready to serve me. When those things falter, that’s when I get concerned. That’s when he gets disciplined or punished and so I guess if it is the result of him having an unauthorized orgasm, then ultimately, he’s feeling the consequences for his orgasm.
I have not ruled out the use of a chastity device in the future and have even thought about using one on a short-term basis for fun and excitement. AJ has been a great resource on providing me information about Chasity devices. There are a few great guest posts from her on the topic. To sum it all up, a chastity device is not necessary for a WLM/FLR, but it is an effective tool in the Dominant Female’s toolbox.
PS – Feel free to add topic ideas to the Topics post I referenced at the beginning of this post. I regularly review that post for ideas.
Male Chastity in a Wife Led Marriage
The Ultimate Male Chastity Key Holding Experience