I have been existing on the periphery of a Medium process called “Just start writing”. Today’s exercise was to write about something we explained recently. Technically, we aren’t posting, but because this is Pride Month, I wanted to share this with you all.

In his piece ‘Same Love” Macklemore comments about the phrase ‘that’s gay’. When that expression came into common use. I wasn’t familiar with the song. I was well on my Lifestyle journey and unapologetically exploring my bisexuality (Pansexuality??). Until that point, I wasn’t really familiar with very many gay people or had much to do with gay culture. Even so, I knew that persecution of these people is wrong.

The Macklemore lyrics opened my eyes to the idea that even subtleties like saying “That is gay” are just as harmful as more obvious discriminations. These expressions give the homophobic people of the world reassurance that everyone shares and accepts their ideas about gay people being lesser. Even if it is frowned upon to openly hate on gay people.

As a teacher, I have struggled to explain this subtlety. I have had conversations with mostly male students about the stupidity of the statement. The vast majority of them, when challenged, will state that they don’t have a problem with gay people. But as soon as their friend does something they don’t like they bust out “That’s gay!” An approach I took a few years ago with a particular young man, let’s call him John, was to explain that him using the word gay to describe something he didn’t like was the same as me using his name to describe something I didn’t like.

For example, a guy walks into the room wearing a particularly offensive pair of sports shoes. You know the brightly coloured ones. His friend says “Dude, those shoes are gay!!” I agree, the shoes are all kinds of wrong but to express my opinion I say “Dude those shoes are John!”

Of course, John’s first reaction to the idea was, “Miss, are you calling me gay? I’m NOT gay.” This is another amusing trait, but I won’t go into that here. It took me a while, but he eventually got the picture. I don’t know if I changed his thinking, but he stopped saying “that’s gay” when I was around. I will take it as a small win.

Fast forward to now and I am spending a bit of time working in an Islamic school. As a white ex Christian, this has been an experience. I cannot begin to explain the nuances of the Islamic attitude to LGBTQ+ but my understanding is that Islam as a religion teaches love and respect to ALL people regardless of their gender, skin colour, sexual orientation etc. However Islam as a faith also teaches that homosexuality is a sin. I suspect that the roots of the teachings are the same as the Christian roots. Given that the origins of both faiths are the same, this is not a huge leap.

To be clear, Christians follow the teachings of Jesus when focussing on acceptance of different marginalised people. However, the teachings about homosexuality are deeper, older and linked to the biological imperative to continue the species. Essentially, Christians teach that any sexual act that doesn’t give rise to the possibility of children is wrong. That means putting sperm in places where it doesn’t have a chance of meeting an egg is against the law of God (and nature?). Of course, these teachings have been blurred by different humans over time to suit various purposes.

And people are surprised when I express that I have issues with organised religion.

So my young Muslim friends and I got into a discussion about LGBTQ+ albeit briefly, I chipped Alan (not his real name) about his use of the phrase “that’s gay”. He is a very contrary young man and refused to engage in that line of talk. Instead, he asked me, and I quote, “Are you with the gays?”

I don’t really know what he exactly meant. I don’t think he does either. But it was clear that he was struggling to reconcile beliefs learned from an upbringing in an Arab country where being homosexual is illegal and could result in being stoned to death, with the much more liberal way of life in his new country. His family still has strong ties to his country of origin and his faith continues to be a large part of his life, adding to his confusion. I don’t think he is struggling with his sexuality in the way that some young men do. Which is fortunate for him.

I did my best to make an impression and impart some ideas about tolerance into his head. But I honestly don’t know if I made an impression. I am sure this is a topic that will come up again when I interact with these young people. Until then I remain “With the gays”