2016 was not a sexy year. It was a year where I had a very complicated relationship with the Montreal BDSM Community (which is a nice way to say I shouted about sexual assault allegations) and also a year when my libido decided to take a nap, helped along by a cushioning layer of medications for various health problems. Outside of the context of kink, I took on a vanilla project where I kicked butt, but it ate every scrap of my spare energy. Other stuff happened in large volume. Some of it was simply a bunch of changes that manifested themselves at the very end of 2015 (moved, got promoted), some of it was background family things (my brother got very sick). [...]

Last Saturday, Wildcard identified my doldrums as needing fixing, s we went out to watch Dr. Strange and then gorge on sushi, the latter activity almost  meaning a visit to the nearby sex shop, called “Romance“. Every relationship has its rituals. I have an undying love for salmon, particularly raw or smoked. Wildcard has a tradition of eating his feelings in delicious all you can eat buffet omnoms. Having a favourite fishing hole, and being fond of me, he shared the location and now we make monthly pilgrimages. Faces get stuffed, then we invariably go sex toy shopping. At first the shopping trips were an accidental extension of geography. The store just happens to be between us and where we always park. Honestly, showing [...]

November is prostate cancer and men’s health, diabetes and national novel writing month. It’s also the first quiet period I’ve had in a long time. Thus begins the month of Pearl Not Doing Things. A major vanilla project I’m working on has started to wind down. I’ve dealt with the whole (alleged) serial rapist in the community and pitched a friend from my social group for less severe but definitely horrible things. Those of you that follow me on social media know it was an intense experience that drained a lot of my energy. That and I’ve got one of those persistent low grade health thingees that I need to spend some Canadian Healthcare on. And I was a bridesmaid, which did not [...]

Ever wondered what those titles and identifier tags meant? This list is here to set you straight when you are getting kinky. Primal Predator: He really likes rough sex. Somehow this impresses some people and is seen as more ‘intense’.  babygirl: She’s somewhere between the ages of 35 and 45 and she has her shit together more than you ever will. Also she really likes colouring. Domme: Identifies as female, is dominant. Gets way more solicitations to sub to strange men than she would like. Which is any number greater than zero. Also get solicitations from ostensibly dom men offering themselves if she promises not to tell on them. Dominant: Is a dominant as noted, but if female constructions like “Domme” makes her teeth [...]

Herr Kommandandt has stepped down from his role in Urban Dungeon, and allegedly the BDSM scene. After the number of abuse allegations climbed to 11+ separate individuals with startlingly similar stories of rape, injuries they never consented to, theft and abuse, and a post of mine that made Kinky & Popular on fetlife, there’s some sort of response to all this other than denial. Well, that’s pretty vindicating. The allegations are getting fully talked about. Other people are talking to MasterSin about the involvement of Montreal Fetish Weekend. I’m getting talked about, in that oblique and careful way that fet does, as a “kinky blogger”. There’s a statement on his profile and in an event thread in the fet group- and one here [...]

After that necessary barrage of negativity about abuse allegations, and the unhinged messages from special salad man, I want to digress into talking about something pretty neat happening in my city… A Lingerie for Men Fashion Show! I often talk about the strictures on men, particularly male subs, not to be objects of sexual desire. As a woman, there are lingerie looks I can try from frothy in ruffles to fierce in leather. As a male, the lingerie for men options usually demand simply cross dress or offer aggressive sports wear or strict bondage looks. The dichotomy is strict- modern masculinity eschews softness. For a gender that is automatically associated with dominance for many people, the list of rules governing what men can’t [...]