I cover this topic in my BDSM Manual but I thought I would post about it firstly, because the greater number of lifestyle couples I learn about, the more interested in the topic I become, and secondly…………. you will read later on in the post.
When a couple are in a Femdom relationship, it seems to me that the most major determinant of how extreme is that relationship, is how much the Domme enjoys the vanilla company of their sub as a supplement to her enforcing, full-on BDSM activity time.
I know I am thought of by many as an extreme lifestyle Domme, but I don’t think I am. The reason I don’t is the considerable number of activities in which I want bitch-boy’s vanilla company, not slave company. Dining out and eating a Michelin quality meal, watching a great movie, time with vanilla friends and family, holiday travel in the UK or abroad, or when I am unwell and hunkered down on the sofa watching a great box set. He is very intelligent, witty, articulate, well read and educated and I enjoy and want to exploit those facets of his.
As I write in my BDSM manual, despite this vanilla time, I truly do consider him my 24/7/365 toy and possession and I explain these vanilla times to him by saying I am choosing to exploit his vanilla attributes for MY PLEASURE. My choice! He gets no say in that. Just the same as when he gets no say in me telling him in the morning to shower and get ready for a day or two, (or more) of full-on BDSM use and abuse. (I guess I am considered extreme because I have zero qualms or guilt when reducing him to tears with punishment or torture, or causing him to be physically trembling with the anxiousness of awaiting a new female visitor in his profoundly humiliating parody of a little girl outfit – holding his ‘favourite’ dolly, or putting him into 5 hours of sensory deprivation bondage, wearing a nettle penis pouch, while I cuckold him with my girlfriend, etc.
But I know of, and read about, couples in which the Domme gets so little from the sub’s vanilla company that the vanilla time is eradicated and the BDSM time becomes 24/7/365. I consider these Dommes and their relationships much more extreme than mine. Almost always in such relationships, the Domme has one or more other people with whom to enjoy vanilla company and activities. Sometimes this is a cuckolding partner, (when it has become about vanilla time as well as the sex), which is probably the most extreme, but oftentimes it is a non-sexual partner. Oftentimes the partner knows of and joins in with the domination of the sub, but sometimes not. These subs often find themselves home alone for hours or days or locked in a basement or cupboard for long durations while the Domme and partner are in the home. Obviously I am in no way criticising these amazing Dommes. It is simply a lifestyle difference in which I am interested.
There are some 24/7/365 rules which pervade my vanilla time with bitch-boy. 24/7/365 chastity control, the picking up after rule, the replenishment rule, etc. Lifestyle stereotyping and pigeon-holing is never black and white which does make it difficult to write about accurately. I know another grey area is BDSM couples with children and all the time the children are present.
Many subs who have reasonable amounts of vanilla time with their Dommes fantasise about a slave life where there is no vanilla time for them. To them I say BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!
This topic has come into my head because, now I have given up work, I may be having a holiday or two with retired friends which would be of a full weeks duration. I am wondering if I could organise for a BDSM friend to ‘babysit’ bitch-boy for the whole duration. (Or several friends to do shifts of two or three days at a time, or perhaps have him delivered to a pro dominatrix for some of those days.) I would perhaps dominate him, full-on, for two or three days before I left for the holiday and immediately for another two or three days on my return. He would experience, say, 13 days with zero vanilla time. He would get a profound experience and I cannot deny I would be constantly thrilled while on my holiday thinking of his 24/7 time being ‘babysat’, and then exhilarated to come home and heartlessly continue his ‘experience’ into an 11th, 12th and 13th day. I can promise I would pick ‘babysitters’ who would have ZERO interest in anything other than 24/7 full-on use and abuse of him. Food for thought.
One twist to this issue I have read about so many times over the years is the transfer of a husband sub to his single mother-in-law. I do find these accounts delicious. In these accounts, many of which I do not doubt for a moment are true, a sub becomes cuckolded and his Domme then falls in love with her cuckolding partner and the partner becomes live-in. And rather than divorced, the sub is ‘adopted’ by his single mother-in-law, (a widow or divorcee). Often in the marriage the sub was initially abusive or an alcoholic, but has been totally conquered to a sub role and once the cuckolding turned to love, passed on to be a 24/7/365 slave to his mother-in-law – who can NEVER forgive the sub’s previous treatment of her precious daughter. And us ladies can find it impossible to let go of a grudge! Lip-smackingly delicious.
I may well publish a blog post on the many cruel facets of such a scenario and perhaps find a couple of reader’s letters from the old Madam magazines on the scenario.
Source: Ms Scarlet
Zero vanilla time = extreme lifestyle? #femdomhypnosis #femdomtraining #malesubmissivetraining #femaledominancetraining #femdomhusbandtraining