This is something I have been wanting to get a proper article together on for a while and will probably write up properly at some point, but in the meanwhile, here are my thoughts in the form of whatever words my brain had to hand. We talk about trust in kink a lot and I think it is open quite unhelpfully framed as a binary thing – you either trust someone, or you don’t. Which is not really how that works – more on that below. Just to keep everything clear, let’s just pop the dictionary definition in here – trust, as defined by Merriam Webster, is reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. Firstly, how far we [...]

I have taken a break from posting for a couple of years, although not from writing itself. I have folders and notebooks full of sketches of thoughts, tangled bits and pieces of memories and ideas, it’s just that none of them have made it to finished article format. It’s not just that life has been busy – while time hasn’t exactly been plentiful, you can always find time for the things you want to do, at least in my experience. It’s more that what I absolutely have not had time for the past couple of years is interacting with people who are very wrong about various things on the Internet, which in turn meant I have spent a lot less time thinking about [...]

Welcome to E-Lust – a monthly digest of sex and kink bloggers, helpfully organised by topic. Among many delicious and pervy things, this month’s E-Lust covers maintenance spanking, fucking machines (twice), prostate massage, and some insightful commentary on kinky themes in Dracula. From this month, I will be adding my comments on each of the articles included in E-Lust, so have a read and see if something catches your eye. Thoughts On… Sex & Relationships The Joy of Sex for Menopausal Women: How to Reignite the Flame – by the Buzz Vibe Team This practical guide to menopause sex from the Buzz Vibes Team sets out helpful tops on how to keep your sex life sparkling, including the importance of a positive mindset, [...]

Let’s talk about maintenance spanking, a topic which has been popping up in my inbox recently. I’ve been asked about all sorts of things, from setting protocol to its relation with punishment, how to set the right level of intensity, and believe it or not, even whether consent is necessary for maintenance spanking (spoiler: that’s an emphatic yes). So, as per usual, I’ve decided to lay all my thoughts and answers out in one place for easy reference, including some (as ever) pragmatic tips for adding maintenance spanking to your dynamic. So, what is maintenance spanking? Maintenance spanking is a bit more than it says on the tin. It’s essentially a form of ritualised impact play to help a submissive adhere to the [...]

Welcome to E-Lust – a monthly digest of sex and kink bloggers, helpfully organised by topic. Among many delicious and pervy things, this month’s E-Lust covers why male chastity is not a femdom essential, male multiple orgasms and Bloom’s AI. Have a browse and see what takes your fancy. Thoughts on… Kink & D/s Domina Decoded: 5 Femdom/Male Sub Principles Why Male Chastity Is Not A Femdom Essential Erotic Non Fiction Take A Look At Yourself Sex & Relationships How to Become a Multi-Orgasmic Man Get Popping: The Hot New Pleasure Trend Wild Monogamy: interview with Mali Apple Erotica The Gym Steph’s Surprise Dare The Bradley Shower Pole Other Topics Writing about writing Abundant Gratitude for Generosity and Grit Sex Work Bring Your [...]

Chastity is often associated with female dominance, to the point that I have had people ask me if it is even possible to find a female dominant who isn’t into it. The answer is obviously yes. Chasity is just one kink and dominant women are not a hive mind. But I just wanted to throw some thoughts out there to show why it might not be someone’s cup of tea. A domme’s thoughts on male chastity I am in the process of writing a longer post on chastity, but in doing my research, I didn’t really find my point of view represented. So much out there sings the praises of chastity – ’76 reasons why male chastity is the best thing since sliced [...]

Welcome to E-Lust – a monthly digest of sex and kink bloggers, helpfully organised by topic. Among many delicious and pervy things, this month’s E-Lust covers punishment, how to approach a mistress, and some oddly specific facts about penises. Have a browse and see what takes your fancy. Thoughts on… Kink & D/s Ten Things I Am Not – Kinky Edition Effective Punishment for Subs: A Comprehensive Guide for D/s Dynamics Sex & Relationships Engaging With A Mistress – Never Compromise Your Personality & Get Your Energies In Check 5 Oddly Specific Penis Facts You Didn’t Know Public Displays of Affection Erotica Fiction Fumbling Toward Ecstasy My Mistress Dedicated Bedroom Eyes 27 My Buddy Blew Me While We Watched The Game Tasty Erotic [...]

Two things have prompted my sitting down to write this today – one being one of the usual questions my inbox as to whether I punish my sub by pegging (*obligatory eye roll*) and two, the necessity for punishment actually arising within my dynamic. So, it seemed like a relevant topic. That said, it is quite a complex thing, so it will probably make for a series of posts. Funishment vs Punishment Asides from being complex, punishment is also an oft fetishised part of D/s. Which is why first things first, I would like to untangle punishment – the real deal – from ‘funishment’ – the narrative of punishment being employed for mutual fun and giggles. Funishment Fun punishments i.e. funishments make up [...]

New to femdom? Don’t pay for it. Seriously. There is no need. Findom is not a default. While findom might be considered a valid kink between consenting adults, it’s a distinct fetish. You don’t have to be into findom to find a domme. If it’s not your thing, you don’t need to engage with it. In fact, there are plenty of lifestyle dommes out there who want a relationship / dynamic / casual play. For the right person, you have inherent value. D/s is supposed be symbiotic – a mutual fulfilment of needs and wants. You deserve more than trying to buy fake attention or affection or sexual gratification. By default, you do not need to pay for the attention of another person. It’s just [...]