I am part of a few social media groups that are based around the swinging lifestyle. Often there are discussions about different topics but of course because of comment threads and such like it is difficult to keep track of the different posts. it is also not a great way to get an answer to a question when it happens for you. Over the next little while, I will be putting together some posts here that will be responses to various questions I have found online. My goal is to put an Australian female perspective out there. Something that I feel is a bit lacking. I also hope that the opinions I generate will be a bit easier to navigate. As always, I welcome questions / comments and suggestions. The first of these posts will be about why and how. Enjoy, but be kind with your comments.

How and why are two sides to the one coin of starting in the lifestyle. This is the story of WHY – What was the thinking that prompted us to follow this path? I will write a different article about the HOW – the mechanics of what we did and where we went.

For about the first ten years of our marriage, we were monogamous. I was oblivious to swinging. I was conscious of an interest in women, but I had never acted on it. Gemma was not even a figment of my imagination. There were a couple of situations that happened back then that pre-Gemma reacted to in a way that current Gemma is a little embarrassed by. Mr Jones took amusement from reminding me about the time a story horrified me. A colleague had related about a gang-bang they took their partner to. 

I had never really encountered anyone who wasn’t a firm believer in monogamy and the modern nuclear family model. My parents frowned upon any kind of alternate sexuality or relationship. Mr Jones comes from a similar family background. Unlike me, he had the experience of seeing non-monogamy in action with the family of one of his good friends. This friend’s parents were long-term swingers. The group they were part of was mostly closed and made up of people who all liked boating and owned power yachts. They frequently went away for weekends together to drink, party and other adult activities. Mr Jones didn’t know all the details and we never really talked about it much. Even though I wasn’t really dedicated to exploring non-monogamy, I was also not fixed in my thinking that monogamy was the only way a relationship could exist. 

In the early days, when small children were taking their toll on my time, energy and identity, I sometimes wished that Mr Jones would find a mistress. Someone who could satisfy his needs for sex so that I could take that chore off my seemingly endless list of things that I felt responsible for. I was certain of my position as the woman who would always be Mr Jones’ primary. I was the mother of his children. I held the power. Somewhere in that confused and unhappy time of my life, it was me that wandered. Disillusioned and frustrated, I was easy prey for a charming man. 

In the fallout, I worked through a lot of guilt. For Mr Jones, it was a revelation. He realised that he wasn’t bothered by another man enjoying his wife. His eyes were opened and the ideas that were planted by his friend’s parents took root. He decided that it was OK to pursue some of his more unconventional fantasies involving multiple partners. For Mr Jones, this was the why. Exploration and engaging in a more hedonistic lifestyle. 

For me, the hedonistic lifestyle was not the reason. It wasn’t NOT the reason either. At the time, the main reason why for me was to explore sex with women. It had been a long held curiosity, but not something I had been brave enough to act on when I had the opportunity. When Mr Jones suggested we explore this, there were many things I did not know about myself. Things that I now consider to be a major part of my personality. I was still very caught up in catholic guilt and strong brainwashing about monogamy. I was afraid of stepping out of that framework. The thing that got me over the line was women. 

These days I am less interested in vaginas and much more interested in cocks. But that was part of my personal evolution, not the reason I chose to explore swinging. It is, however, a reason I am glad I started on this pathway.