My desire to make our WLM more public has two main reasons, one altruistic and the other selfish. The first reason is that most of my women friends want to know how and why it is that Tony is such a perfect gentleman and wonderfully obedient husband; most of them know that he was not that way when he and I first got together. So they keep asking me, “What have you done to train him so well?” The second reason is that I find my power over him to be great for my ego and also very erotic, and the more public my power is the more it turns me on, both mentally and physically.

As I have related, our marriage did not start as a WLM, but rather as an F/m spanking dynamic. But my goal from the beginning was to have a marriage with very few arguments, and to have those few arguments settled very quickly and in my favor — and I knew I was going to use his need for spanking to achieve that goal. To that end I did internet research and was glad to find Aunt Kay’s Disciplinary Wives Club, which is an awesome site about how wives use spanking to control their husbands. (While Kay is deceased, the site can still be read at

Tony is not naturally submissive at all; he is an alpha male who is a lifelong spanko, and for much of his life he was mostly the spanker, and tells me he has had a couple dozen women over his knee. But he admits that it was getting harder and harder for him to find willing women, and that he really wanted a spanking relationship, not a series of one-nighters, and that his experiences as a spankee showed him that he was just as excited getting it as giving it. We met on a site for Christian spankos, and I let him know right away that if we were to get serious that I would be the only one doing the spanking. He agreed as long as I promised to spank him at least once a week, come rain or shine, as he was tired of going months between spankings.

Spanking him once a week clearly put me in the dominant position and him in the submissive one, and the more I spanked him to change his behavior, the more we moved into WLM. Almost every week I had a reason why he was being punished — and not just getting his weekly spanking. The social interaction issues that were the topic of a recent post was one of the first areas we delved into where I started making rules for him. 

It was also the first area that became public, because when I began grounding him from going out with the boys (about three years into our marriage), I made him tell them that he had been grounded by his wife. So it was clear to those husbands that I wore the pants in the family, and when their wives asked them why they weren’t more like Tony, they would tend to reply that he was pussy-whipped and that they weren’t going for that. So the wives also knew that I was in charge.

As I got more intrigued with WLM, I read about it on the internet, and was really taken with Lady Misato’s Real Women Don’t Do Housework ( I did not find Mz Kaylee’s site here, though I sure wish I had, nor did I find the blog that Kaylee has helped write,, which has a post from a few years ago about how public a wife-led marriage should be.

I was fascinated by the rwddh philosophy of turning a husband into a knight in shining armor serving his queen — and Tony was quite taken with it, too, since a knight is a macho kind of guy, no matter how submissive he is to his queen. So we started incorporating that philosophy, and I also began using specific techniques explained on that site, including what I call the “cock talk” where virtually any important discussion happens with Tony’s cock in my hand, which almost guarantees that the discussion will end in my favor. The site also explains all about orgasm control, turning orgasm from a “right” to a “privilege” that must be earned and can only occur with the wife’s permission. These strategies and others on the rwddh site took us deeper and deeper into a WLM.

We began doing public things like him getting me drinks at parties, carrying my bags at the mall, bending down and fixing the strap  on my heels, rushing to my side every time I waved for him, getting orders from me rather than requests, me ordering for us both at restaurants and requesting the check come to me, him driving like a chauffeur with me in the back seat talking on the phone, me ignoring him in public while talking with others, me doing all the talking when in a meeting with a professional such as our attorney or accountant — and on and on, virtually everything I could think of to show that I am in charge. While each of these things is pretty minor, when taken together they do add up to an obvious WLM.

The next big public revelation was a couple of years after the grounding revelations. By this time I had Tony trained to do most of the household chores, and I started making him wear an apron and nothing else after the kids were in bed. My girlfriends and I have had a Thursday girls night out forever, which sometimes is a girls night in — we meet for the evening at one of our houses, with the husband required to make himself and the kids scarce, like on a different floor if not out of the house altogether for at least part of the evening.

We would typically meet from about 7:30-10, which is Tony’s time to put the kids to bed and do chores. After we had established his chore routine, the first that the girls were going to meet at our house I sat him down and told him that he was not absolved from his two hours of chores and was still going to do them in his apron in clear view of our guests — with a pair of shorts on. He objected quite vociferously, but changed his mind after being over my knee for 20 minutes or so. I told him that not only was he going to do all of his chores, but that he would be serving us as well — pouring wine, bringing snacks, clearing away dishes, and maybe even giving foot massages.

My husband is a workout freak and rather buff, and I knew the ladies would enjoy seeing him serving us with part of his chest and back and legs showing. The first time this happened there was a whole lot of giggling and oohing and aahing, and while he was embarrassed at first, I think my husband realized eventually that he enjoyed all of the positive attention from some great-looking wives.

There weren’t any foot massages that first time, but on subsequent visits he did get to make the rounds and give everyone a foot massage – maybe half a dozen ladies each night. This is a rather sensual and intimate act, with him kneeling on the floor and massaging a foot outstretched onto a foot stool. I noticed that he was trying hard to hide his erection as he massaged the women. It also turned me on, and after the girls left the first time I dragged him into the bedroom and had my way with him. It was very obvious to us that his submission was pleasurable for us both.

It was after this started about two years ago that I began to get the questions in earnest about how I had transformed my husband. I would usually just laugh or give a sly smile and not answer. But my friends seriously wanted to know, and it got to the point where some of them were a bit perturbed (and still are to a degree) that I wasn’t sharing my secrets.

I was withholding information to protect our privacy, but I was doing a disservice to my friends. Many of them were unhappy with their husbands and were desperate to know how to gain some control in the marriage. Many of our meetings were mostly bitch sessions about husbands, and it was very obvious to all that I said little at these times.

Eventually, just in the past few months, I sat Tony down to talk about it. He was well aware of my girlfriends’ desire for information, as they often asked their questions right in front of him while he was serving us. But his position was that they already knew more than he preferred — that he did all the household chores, that I grounded him, that he was unfailingly polite and obedient. That’s already a lot for an alpha male to handle, but I was asking him to handle more.  After several conversations, we agreed that we weren’t ready to share about him getting spanked or being required to wear a chastity device when not in my presence. He kept suggesting that I just refer the wives to various Web sites, but I argued that I needed to share with them some of the techniques that I actually use in our marriage, including the cock talks, total orgasm control, making him earn sex with me, grounding, writing lines, turning rights into privileges, financial control, and basically anything but spanking and locking his cock. He didn’t like it, but the belt and the bath brush are great persuaders.

So … just recently I have begun sharing with the Thursday night group. I started with the cock talk, which I thought was the easiest — as the man is getting a handjob and probably doesn’t even realize how he is being controlled. The girls were fascinated, and a number of them have tried it — with great results! Various wives have gotten their husbands to do more chores, call before coming home late, go out with the boys less, stop swearing in the wife’s presence, go down on the wife more, and I can’t remember what else! I told them that one of the best strategies is to stop in the middle: Get him just on the edge of cumming and then stop and say, “If you want me to finish you off, you need to lick my pussy first. Otherwise, good night!”

We have had several weeks of discussions just about this one strategy, which is easy for the husband to accept because he is getting MORE sex with his wife handling his cock so much. (It helps to give it a quick lick every so often as well.) But the cock talk can be used to introduce the other training methods to the husband. I’m going to tell the girls to get him really hard and then say something like, “If you want me to keep going, you will agree that I can ground you and forbid you from going out with your friends.” Or whatever behavior you want to change or strategy you want to implement.

That’s where I am in making my WLM more public. I will discuss the other strategies I mentioned, but I may never tell about spanking or using a chastity device. While I am definitely in charge, I also respect my husband’s wishes, and I don’t know if an alpha guy like Tony can ever come around to sharing about those two key ways that I dominate him.


Making Our WLM More Public (Guest Post by Trina)

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