Only the power exchange part of power exchange is required

In which Stabbity continues to mine Novices & Newbies for post topics Only the power exchange part of power exchange is required, and that’s only because it’s not power exchange if you don’t, you know, exchange some power. You are not even slightly required to do power exchange if you don’t fucking want to, but that’s a separate post. This post is about how pain play, bondage, verbal humilation, financial domination, 24/7 TPE, eye contract restrictions, slave positions, consensual non-consent, and every other kink you could possibly list are absolutely not required or expected parts of power exchange relationships. In the fetlife post that inspired this one, some poor submissive person was asking how they could make themselves be okay with “the verbal [...]

By |2017-07-08T22:11:58-07:00July 2nd, 2017|Categories: For Women|Tags: |0 Comments

What if you want to go to a munch but you’re not ready?

Okay, so I’ve written a bunch about how you don’t have to go to a munch and how to meet people if you don’t want to go to one, but what do you do if you do want to go to a munch but you’re scared? Well, you’ve got to break down what exactly is scaring you so you can fix it! Are you worried about being outed? Most munches have a strict normal-street-clothes-only dress code and expect attendees not to go out of their way to draw attention to themselves (ie, thou shalt not stand up and tell a very loud story about your needle scene the other day) and don’t allow any sort of play, but not all munches are the [...]

By |2017-07-08T22:11:58-07:00June 25th, 2017|Categories: For Women|Tags: |0 Comments

Experiment!

One of my readers came up with a really interesting experiment: she left a comment on my post 100 Submissive Men For Every Dominant Woman about how most online dating profiles attract exactly the kind of “submissives” I rant about in that post and how she’s looking for, in her words “a wholly submissive man.” If you’re thinking of responding to her, you’re going to want to at least skim that post first, that’s why I’m not linking directly to her comment. It’s a recent one, just look toward the end of the comments Source: Not Just Bitchy Experiment!

By |2017-07-08T22:11:59-07:00June 22nd, 2017|Categories: For Women|Tags: |0 Comments

Shoutout to everyone who has a tough time with father’s day

I’ve started a tradition of supporting people who have a hard time with mother’s day, but I’ve neglected people who have a hard time with father’s day and I feel like a bit of a jerk for that. People who have a hard time with father’s day count too! Just because that day isn’t as much of a stuggle for me doesn’t mean you don’t matter! In my post about mother’s day I hit most of the points I’m going to want to about father’s day, so if this seems strangely familiar that’s why. If your father died and Father’s Day is an agonizing reminder, I see you. If you are trying to become a father but feel like a failure because your [...]

By |2017-07-08T22:11:59-07:00June 18th, 2017|Categories: For Women|Tags: |0 Comments

You don’t have to play with other people!

So I was skimming Novices & Newbies and somebody asked about jealousy as a newbie to the scene. They seemed to be operating from the assumption that it was inevitable that they and their partner would play with other people and wanted to know how to deal with jealousy around that. Here’s the thing: you do not have to play with other people. You really, truly don’t. You do not have to grit your teeth and tolerate your partner playing with other people either. Now, to be clear, play does not necessarily involve sex – you can play without even touching anyone’s butt, and that’s a very common targer for impact play. That still doesn’t mean you have to be okay with your partner playing [...]

By |2017-07-08T22:11:59-07:00June 11th, 2017|Categories: For Women|Tags: |0 Comments

Why the lack of interest in online play?

It seems pretty common for dominant women not to have any interest in online play. Obviously I can’t speak for all women (and oh how I hate it when men ask questions as if women are a hive mind and one of us can speak for all of us), but here’s my take on it. First of all, by online play I’m talking about playing on cam where one person gives instructions and the other one carries them out and sexy chat, where the people playing describe what they would do to each other and how they would react. For me play is about personal connection, so my biggest stumbling block with online play is that it always seems to be strangers asking for [...]

By |2017-07-08T22:11:59-07:00June 4th, 2017|Categories: For Women|Tags: |0 Comments

How do you meet people without going to a munch?

I recently read the most amazing trainwreck of a rant about how people who want to meet people in person at a munch are the absolute worst and are actively screwing over people who don’t want to go to munches, and it made me think, is there actually any advice out there about meeting other kinky people that doesn’t begin and end with “thou shalt go to a munch!”? First of all, many people have very good reasons not to go to munches. I have some doubts that the author of that rant seriously can’t go to munches, but the thing is, they’re allowed to not want to. You are 100% allowed to to be physically/emotionally/financially able to go to a munch and still just [...]

By |2017-05-28T23:12:00-07:00May 28th, 2017|Categories: For Women|Tags: |0 Comments

Yes, you are kinky enough

It makes me sad to see people online wondering if they’re a good enough dom/sub/top/bottom/etc because they don’t want to perv as hard as they can as often as they can. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with going hard, it’s just not the only choice. Not all doms want to micromanage their subs. Not all doms want everything done for them. Not all doms want complete control of everything. Not all doms want to play really hard (sensual domination, it’s a thing). Not all doms want to play every chance they get. Not all doms like giving orders for the sake of giving orders. Not all doms like high-protocol d/s. You are a perfectly good top/dom/master/etc if you just want a light-hearted scene [...]

By |2017-05-28T23:12:07-07:00May 21st, 2017|Categories: For Women|Tags: |0 Comments

Repost: shoutout to everyone who has a tough tme with mother’s day

This post was originally posted last year, but when I wanted to do another one this year it turned out this one already said everything I wanted to say so I just reposted it. Supposedly Mother’s Day is a wonderful happy day when loving families get together to celebrate the mothers in their families. It doesn’t pan out that way for all of us. If your mother died and Mother’s Day is an agonizing reminder, I see you. If you are trying to become a mother but feel like a failure because your body isn’t cooperating, I see you. If god forbid your child died I see you. If you’re read as a woman but don’t identify as one and feel dysphoric or [...]

By |2017-05-28T23:12:09-07:00May 14th, 2017|Categories: For Women|Tags: |0 Comments

What I’m playing lately

Who doesn’t like talking about videogames? Lately I’ve been playing Rusty Lake’s Cube Escape series, which is a bunch of point and click room escape games you can play right in your browser, assuming you have flash enabled, or on iOS or Android if you’d rather play on your phone or tablet. They’re kind of weird and morbid, which is a big part of why I like them so much. I also feel like the people who made them must really love making those games because there’s just nothing in there that says they were designed by committee to appeal to the greatest number of 18-35 year old men possible. I hope the studio makes money because I’d love for them to keep making [...]

By |2017-05-28T23:12:12-07:00May 7th, 2017|Categories: For Women|Tags: |0 Comments