As I was reading a thread about people immediately demanding submission in that one Fetlife group I like, I had a thought. Well, a couple of related thoughts. 1) I thinking roleplaying online is perfectly fine as long as it’s clear that’s what you’re doing, and 2) I think a big chunk of what makes people miserable trying to find a kinky partner is mixing up roleplayers and realists. To recap the original post from that thread, the OP was curious if it’s normal and accepted or something that’s just brushed off as silliness or what when somebody puts stuff on their profile like “Anyone who wishes to speak with me will address me as Goddess/Mistress/High Grand Poobah”. Most of the replies were “yeah, [...]

Recently I got a nice message from a reader about self acceptance and figured that’s as good an excuse as any to write about something I’ve been thinking about anyway. Unlike some sadists, I’ve never worried very much about whether I’m evil or profoundly disturbed or going to end up a serial killer or something. I do sometimes get a little anxious after scenes and need to be reassured that the specific person I played with had a good time and still likes me, but I’ve never had that “shit, am I evil?” fear that isn’t exactly unknown among sadists. So like I’ve said earlier, I had a shitty childhood. And weirdly, I think that’s connected to my lack of fear that being a sadist [...]

Maybe if I title a post with the exact search string I saw in my stats, people will read it A lot of this advice is going to sound familiar if you’ve already read my post how to make friends on fetlife for the hard of thinking, but in the spirit of the holidays this post is going to be a bit gentler of a guide to getting responses to your fetlife (or collarspace or okcupid or whatever social network or personals site you choose to message people on) messages. Merry Christmas, I’m going to teach you how to get responses to your messages! Disclaimer: this guide is aimed at submissive men who are interested in dominant women. Some of it might be [...]

Somebody found my blog by searching for “why every women should try femdom” and if they weren’t disappointed already, they sure will be now Every woman should most certainly not try femdom. If you’re already curious or at least undecided one way or the other, sure, by all means give it a shot. But if you already know that’s not for you, then you should in no way feel obligated to waste your time doing something you know you won’t like. Sure, in general I think trying stuff is a good way to find new stuff you really enjoy, but that absolutely does not mean people should try stuff they know they aren’t into. Trying shit out is for stuff you don’t know if [...]

Why? Because I can What kind of sorcery makes a fucking recorder sound good?! For those who’ve been spared the misery, a recorder is a terrible wind instrument given to small children to make awful high pitched squeaking noises until a nearby adult snaps and hides it forever. This is how you make a song with few and repetitive lyrics actually sound good. Serena Ryder, I hope you’re taking notes. Stompa was so good, how did you fuck up so badly with got your number? Normally I hate remixes but this one is actually really good. I’ve had this song stuck in my head for ages, now you will too >:) Just listen to everything REZZ has ever done, she is fucking amazing.   [...]

Why yes, I read this post by Ferrett ages ago and am only just now getting around to blogging about it The gist of it is that if it comes up naturally, he’s going to talk about how great his other partners are and if that’s a problem for you then you shouldn’t date him. That seems pretty reasonable, right? I mean, if you never want to hear about your partner’s other partners, wouldn’t you want to know that this new guy is likely to squee about his partners before you get attached? That’s why I was surprised by the amount of pushback in the comments. According to a bunch of people, it’s terrible to warn people about stuff that might be a dealbreaker [...]

No.   Okay, that’s a pretty boring post on its own, I guess I could elaborate Credit where it’s due, this post is inspired by an email from a reader ages and ages ago that I obsessed about until it had been so long since I got the email that it would just be weird if I finally replied. If you’re still out there reader, this is for you and I’m sorry I’m kind of a fuckup Anyway, for some people, kink is sexual. For other people, it’s not. I kind of don’t understand how this is even a question because obviously kinky asexual people exist, so there’s definitely something going on there besides sexual turn-ons. If you say that kink is inherently [...]