I keep reading about how ever feeling jealousy means you’re terrible and unevolved and real poly people never feel jealous and it’s really starting to bug me. Jealousy, like any other emotion, is just a signal. It’s not bad or good on its own, it’s how you react to it that matters. I mean, anger is supposedly “bad” and “negative” all the time, but it’s also fuel for fighting injustice and a signal that something going on is not okay. Sometimes that signal means that you need to learn to chill the fuck out and sometimes it means that someone is being an asshole to you. Same with jealousy. Sometimes it means that you need a little extra reassurance from your partner. Sometimes [...]

Not so long ago I saw a discussion where the original poster asked if it was possible for him to have limits and still be a good sub. On one hand I can understand how someone would come to think that was a question he needed to ask but on the other hand HOW IS THIS A QUESTION?!!! Having anything even vaguely resembling a survival instinct is still in, I promise you. Aside from really obvious limits about serious bodily harm, what on earth is supposed to be attractive about not having the sense to know that not every kink is your kink? Or the profound self-absorption to think that no woman will ever be into kinks that you’re not? For god’s sake knock that shit off. Even leaving aside [...]

Supposedly Mother’s Day is a wonderful happy day when loving families get together to celebrate the mothers in their families. It doesn’t pan out that way for all of us. If your mother died and Mother’s Day is an agonizing reminder, I see you. If you are trying to become a mother but feel like a failure because your body isn’t cooperating, I see you. If god forbid your child died I see you. If you’re read as a woman but don’t identify as one and feel dysphoric or erased on Mother’s Day, I see you. If you’re a trans woman who wishes she could give birth one day, I see you. If you are a mother but don’t know where your child [...]

  One of many, many things that irritates the shit out of me is when lazy assclown community leaders say that they don’t exclude anyone from their events. Yes you fucking do you lying sacks of shit. What you actually mean is that you can’t be fucking bothered to kick out assholes so you stick your fingers in your ears and shout “LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU” whenever anyone tells you there’s a problem. And then you slap the bandaid of “inclusivity” on top of the open sewer you’re building and pretend that everything is fine. When I say you can’t include everyone, I mean that in the most literal possible way. if you make assholes feel welcome, you’ve CHOSEN to make [...]

In the interests of fairness, after my ragey blog post last week, I want to talk about the perception that dominant women who are interested only in what they can get submissive men to do for them and treat play like an afterthought or a necessary evil. If you don’t care about the guy or the dynamic at all and you just want your house clean, hire a fucking maid. Not that I really need to say that, because if housecleaning is all you’re looking for, kink is probably the worst way to get it. Seriously, you’d have better luck getting your house actually clean if you find a broke college student willing to do it for sandwiches. There absolutely are service submissives out [...]

I know I’ve talked about this already, but why not keep beating a dead horse? And honestly, some people need to be beaten over the head a bit for any sense to get in. This time, instead of looking for a “discreet” (read, cheating piece of shit) relationship, today’s bad example is looking for a strictly online relationship. Sadly that discussion got deleted between drafting this post and actually publishing it, but if you’ve been on the internet for more than ten minutes you’ve probably seen some sad bastard looking for an online dom to cheat with, so I don’t think reading the original discussion is necessary for this post to make sense. If you feel like you have to hide things from your partner, something [...]

A little while ago someone asked a really interesting question on Fetlife. If you enjoy being pushed beyond your comfort zone, how do you tell the difference between abuse and d/s? I’m honestly not sure but I’ll ramble for a bit and invite readers to add their advice in the comments. In vanilla relationships it’s simpler to tell if it’s abuse. The usual “is it abuse?” advice focuses on whether your partner makes you feel safe and loved or like dirt, but things get a lot more complicated if you’re into hardcore humiliation scenes or really heavy masochism. Particularly if you’re personally conflicted about what kind of scenes and/or relationship you have that can make it really hard to pick apart feeling weird about [...]

Clover of Kinky Clover wrote a guide for rope bottoms. I’m by no means an expert so you shouldn’t take that guide as gospel just because I mentioned it here, but it all sounds pretty sensible to me. Plus it’s really cool to see someone acknowledge that bottoming is work and requires skill just like topping does. Source: Not Just Bitchy