Where’d You Go, Miss Vivian?

I know, boys. I have disappeared again. I do this periodically. Don’t I? It’s very bad for business.

If you’re someone who pays for domination—definitely online—and probably offline too, but I don’t do that, so I can’t speak for in person dommes—there is something you should know.

Paid domination is a lot of work.

Yeah, yeah. I know. You’re saying, “Work? But Miss Vivian, you just lie around eating frozen grapes, and I worship you. How is that work?”

It isn’t manual labor. Well, maybe in some cases. It depends how hard you hit.

But it is a lot of emotional labor. It’s a lot of reading the people you talk to and catering to their fantasies, even when you don’t particularly feel like it. You have to get good at understanding what your clients want or need and providing that. I would also call myself a top. I don’t really know how one is a dominant who bottoms ONLINE. Most of what I do is traffic in sexual fantasy and psychological play.

And I ENJOY this kind of play. It’s not an act. I really do like it—especially when I have chemistry with someone or when I’m just in the mood.

But I’m directing it, and I do most of the talking. (In hypno calls, I do 99% of the talking. Have you tried talking out loud to someone who doesn’t speak back for 60+ minutes, all while trying to understand what’s going to get them to THAT place? It’s not easy.)

I’m expected to come up with ideas or repeat the same idea one thousand times because someone has a specific fantasy. I am your fantasy dream domme. I’m not your wife or girlfriend, because trust me when I say that you wouldn’t want that. You might THINK you want that. But you don’t. In-person me does not always feel sexy or toppy or want to make decisions (but will usually bitch about any decision she doesn’t make because I am, at heart, a controlling bitch).

So, no. You are paying for the fantasy that I am constantly horny and constantly kinky and just wanting to take advantage of men 24/7. When, in reality, I want to take advantage of men for like 30 to 60 minutes three times a week, and then go binge watch Severance for the third time.

I didn’t get into this because I have some physical and mental health issues. I had some physical and mental health issues, and then I got into this. It was kind of by accident, but I liked that I was good at it. I like adulation. I like toying with and teasing men. I KNOW I’m good at it, which is pretty cool. I really do get off on the idea of manipulating men for my amusement and benefit. Maybe that’s why I’m good at it.

It’s just that sometimes I get tired.

Like right now. I am tired.

I’m having some personal issues and some medical issues that are making it hard for me to feel like HAVING to talk to people—especially in the way THEY want to be talked to. Ladies, if you’re considering doing paid domination, recognize that it is a service you are providing. And if you are doing a good job, it is likely not going to be easy money. Sometimes it is. Sometimes finsubs come along like little snowflakes dropped from the sky who just want to shower you with money. But in almost all places, snow melts. Domination is mental work, and when my mind is not on kink or sex, or my body doesn’t feel good, it is hard for me to be good at what I do.

So, when that happens, I step away. It might only be for a few days. It might be for longer. It’s for as long as it takes for me to FEEL IT again and WANT IT again. But I recognize that is disappointing to people sometimes. And I am sorry for disappointing people. But my mental and physical health come first, and I cannot be a good dominatrix if my head isn’t in the right place to fuck around with yours.