I’ve spent years listening to women vent about their men. The complaints are endless: he doesn’t listen, he’s not romantic enough, he’s too focused on his own desires, or—God forbid—he has some fetish that makes them clutch their pearls. I’ve sat through coffee dates, wine nights, and tearful phone calls, nodding along as friends and acquaintances lament their relationships. And every single time, I’ve thought the same thing: The answer is so damn simple. Deliver on love language. If he’s not meeting yours, teach him. If he’s not giving you what you want, take it. Stop waiting for life to hand you what you deserve and start claiming it.

I wasn’t always this way. I used to be one of those women who waited, hoped, and wished for things to change. I’d drop hints, thinking my partner would magically pick up on my needs. I’d sulk when he didn’t. I’d complain to my girlfriends about how he wasn’t stepping up, how he didn’t “get” me. Sound familiar? It’s a trap we all fall into at some point—expecting others to read our minds and deliver exactly what we want without us having to lift a finger. But here’s the truth: that’s a losing game. Nobody’s coming to save you, and nobody’s going to hand you the life you want on a silver platter. Not your man, not your boss, not your friends. If you want something, you’ve got to take it. That’s why I became a dominant boss bitch—and I’m here to tell you why it’s the only way to live.

The Problem: Waiting for Others to Deliver

All my life, I’ve watched women—smart, capable, incredible women—complain about their relationships without doing a damn thing to change them. It’s like listening to someone gripe about being broke while refusing to get a job or start a hustle. “He doesn’t make me feel special anymore,” they’ll say. Or, “He’s always distracted, and I feel ignored.” And then there’s the classic: “He’s got this weird fetish, and it makes me uncomfortable.” Okay, fine. But what are you doing about it? Are you sitting him down and teaching him what you need? Are you figuring out how to meet him where he’s at so you can both get what you want? Or are you just venting, hoping he’ll magically transform into Prince Charming?

We’ve all been conditioned to believe that love should just happen—that the right partner will instinctively know our needs and meet them without us having to say a word. It’s a fairy tale, and it’s time we stopped believing it. Love isn’t some passive, mystical force that fixes everything. It’s a transaction, a give-and-take, and if you’re not willing to put in the work, you’re not going to get the results. I learned this the hard way, through years of frustration and unmet expectations. I was waiting for my partners to figure out my love language—whether it was quality time, acts of service, or words of affirmation—while I did nothing to communicate it clearly. And guess what? They didn’t. Because they’re not mind readers, and neither is your man.

The Turning Point: Owning My Power

The shift happened when I stopped waiting and started taking. I realized that if I wanted my partner to meet my needs, I had to be crystal clear about what those needs were. I had to stop hinting and start teaching. If his love language was physical touch and mine was acts of service, I didn’t just roll my eyes and wish he’d change. I met him where he was. I delivered on his love language, and in doing so, I gained the power to shape our relationship. I stopped seeing his desires as obstacles and started seeing them as opportunities. You want to know the secret to owning your man’s world? Give him what he wants, unapologetically, and then make it clear what you expect in return.

Let’s talk about those “weird fetishes” that so many women complain about. I hear it all the time: “He’s into something I don’t get, and it freaks me out.” Okay, but why does that have to be a dealbreaker? Why does it have to be a source of shame or discomfort? If your man’s fetish isn’t hurting anyone, why not lean into it? Not because you’re submitting to him, but because you’re taking control. When you deliver on what he craves, you’re not just giving him a gift—you’re building a dynamic where you hold the reins. You’re showing him that you’re confident, open-minded, and unafraid to take charge. And trust me, when you own that energy, you can ask for anything you want in return. A man who feels seen and fulfilled will move mountains to make you happy.

The Laughable Irony of Complaining Without Action

When I hear women complain about their husbands’ fetishes or quirks, I can’t help but laugh. Not because I’m judging them, but because they’re missing the bigger picture. Who cares if he’s into something you find odd? What do you want in life? Do you want a partner who’s devoted to you? A relationship where you feel valued and prioritized? A life where you’re calling the shots? Then stop focusing on what’s “weird” and start focusing on what’s possible. Give your man his fetish—whether it’s a fantasy, a kink, or just more attention in the bedroom—and watch how quickly he becomes putty in your hands. It’s not about sacrificing your own desires; it’s about using his to get yours.

Women who complain about their men without taking action are no better off than someone who complains about being broke but refuses to hustle. If you’re not willing to put in the work, you don’t get to complain about the outcome. I used to be that person, sitting around waiting for my partner to magically “get it.” But the moment I stopped waiting and started acting, everything changed. I learned how to communicate my needs with confidence. I learned how to meet my partner’s desires without losing myself. And most importantly, I learned how to take control of my own happiness instead of leaving it in someone else’s hands.

The Boss Bitch Mindset: Practical Advice for Taking Control

So, how do you stop complaining and start owning your life like the dominant boss bitch you were meant to be? Here’s my advice, straight from the heart:

1. Know Your Love Language—and His: If you don’t know what makes you feel loved, figure it out. Take one of those love language quizzes if you have to. Then, have an honest conversation with your partner about what he needs to feel loved. Don’t judge, don’t roll your eyes—just listen. Once you both understand each other’s love languages, you can start delivering on them intentionally.

2. Communicate Like a Boss: Stop dropping hints and hoping he’ll figure it out. Be direct. If you want more quality time, say so. If you need him to step up with acts of service, tell him exactly what that looks like. And if he’s not meeting your needs, don’t sulk—teach him. Show him what you want by example, and don’t be afraid to call him out when he’s slacking.

3. Embrace His Desires, Don’t Demonize Them: Whether it’s a fetish, a hobby, or a specific way he wants to be loved, lean into it. Not because you’re giving in, but because you’re taking charge. When you meet his desires head-on, you create a dynamic where he’s eager to please you in return. It’s not about compromising your boundaries; it’s about using his wants to build a stronger connection.

4. Stop Waiting, Start Taking: The biggest mistake we make is waiting for someone else to make us happy. Your partner isn’t responsible for your happiness—you are. If you want something in your relationship, go get it. If you want romance, plan a romantic evening. If you want adventure, book the trip. If you want better sex, initiate it. Take the lead, and watch how quickly your partner follows.

5. Own Your Power Unapologetically: Being a dominant boss bitch isn’t about being mean or controlling—it’s about knowing what you want and refusing to settle for less. It’s about setting boundaries, communicating clearly, and creating a life that excites you. When you step into that energy, your partner will either rise to meet you or get left behind. Either way, you’re in control.

Final Thoughts: Stop Complaining, Start Winning

I became a dominant boss bitch because I was tired of waiting for life to give me what I wanted. I was tired of listening to women complain about their men without doing anything to change the game. Love isn’t about sitting back and hoping for the best—it’s about showing up, taking charge, and creating the dynamic you want. If your man isn’t meeting your needs, teach him. If he’s got desires that make you raise an eyebrow, use them to your advantage. Deliver on his love language, and then demand what you deserve in return.

Life is too short to complain about what you don’t have. Whether it’s love, money, or success, the hustle is the same: you’ve got to go out and take it. So stop whining, start winning, and embrace the boss bitch energy that’s been inside you all along. Your man, your relationship, and your life will thank you for it.