In the swinger lifestyle, consent is a cornerstone. Everyone has a right to say no. No explanations, no justification, no negotiation.  

Every time. 

Right? 

Except of course, when they don’t.  

I bet as you are reading this you are thinking of a million scenarios when a man didn’t listen to a woman’s refusal. When he nagged her, or gaslighted her, or got her drunk so she was more compliant. We have all seen this happen. We have all read the countless social media posts, articles and blog pages about men who do this.  

But what happens when a woman doesn’t respect a boundary or accept a refusal for sexual contact?  

“That would never happen.” I hear you say. And you would be justified in thinking that is correct. After all, why would a woman who has dealt with men not listening to her for most of her life turn around and give the same treatment to a man or, worse, another woman?  

But they do. 

I am about to tell three true stories of women not respecting boundaries set both by men and women. They are 100% factual. The first scenario I want to relate happened several years ago at a swinger’s club. A young, very attractive woman spent the evening introducing herself to everyone by walking up to them and slapping them on the arse. She didn’t ask if you minded before she slapped. She didn’t discriminate in who she slapped. Some men at the event were rightly unhappy that she wasn’t chastised. As one complained, “If that were me, I would have been asked to leave after the first person complained.”  

Another incident happened recently that was a little closer to home. A lady we met at a party was interested in Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones doesn’t find her attractive and was not interested. Of course, he didn’t want to hurt her feelings or cause a scene, so he ducked and weaved around her advances before hooking up with another friend he found very attractive. The first lady continued to drink, maybe more than she should. As we were leaving at the end of the night, she approached us and asked me, 

“What is it with your man? I have been trying to get his attention all night, and he keeps avoiding me.”   

A third incident happened recently to another friend. My friend and her husband met a single lady during a holiday. After getting to know her, they invited her to their van for a play session. My friend, much like me, is a little protective of her breasts. She doesn’t like being manhandled or bitten. She made this clear to their new play friend, but this lady didn’t respect my friend’s boundaries. As they were playing, the guest was quite rough with my friend despite repeated requests to respect boundaries continued to behave badly. 

Here we have three examples of women deliberately ignoring subtle and not-so-subtle signs that someone doesn’t like what they are doing. I could relate countless more. In each situation, if the genders were reversed, the reaction of the bystanders would have been very different. I believe that these examples show clearly that most people think the consent conversation applies to men only.  

But it doesn’t.   

Women need to take just as much care in observing boundaries as men. In fact, I would argue that given that women are frequently speaking up about having their boundaries violated, they have MORE responsibility. To be empathetic, to pick up more subtle signals and to model ways of acting that they want to experience themselves.  

In each of these situations, there were differences in the way the women were treated. In scenario one, irritated people moved away, but no one challenged her. I am sure if a man behaved the same way, he would be removed from the event. In situation two, Mr Jones felt a social obligation not to hurt the woman’s feelings. Women are rejected and treated badly by men everywhere. So, many of the kinder variety of men are careful not to say or do something that will cause the same pain. Even if it is when it is warranted.  

I wasn’t present for situation three, but I am guessing that the husband in that situation felt the same as Mr Jones. I am confident that if it had been a man biting his wife’s breasts, he would have been summarily evicted. My friend may have even felt more empowered to defend herself.  

On a sub-conscious level, women understand this feeling of being protected and use it to their advantage. They passive aggressively evoke feelings of guilt or discomfort in people who are holding their ground with a boundary. The drunken woman’s question to me was an example of this. Another, more obvious way would be responding to a refusal with a question like “Why not? Am I not attractive enough?”  

These types of questions are the way women throw punches in a social situation. Provoking guilt is subtle and not obvious to the casual male observer. Besides, most men will accept an offer of sex from anyone, so the idea of turning a woman down is hard for a lot of them to get their heads around. It pays to remember, though, that just because women behave differently does not mean they are exempt from respecting people’s boundaries.  

This lifestyle is a haven of personal preferences. The often-quoted rule of ‘no means no’ embodies this. There is an understanding that a refusal doesn’t need an explanation. For the simpler people among us, “No is a complete sentence.” It takes a certain level of confidence and maturity to look rejection in the face and accept it without question or backlash. Women who can’t do this need to do some work on their negative self–talk. They should also ask themselves if they are ready to play in the adult sandpit.  

I am not writing this to encourage men to feel that they can take a break from their responsibility to be better people. Men are dicks. There is no question. But as we can see, women can also be dicks. Just in a different way. Whatever the gender, inappropriate behaviour is inappropriate behaviour. As always, these pages are where I share my opinions and experiences. I welcome respectful adult comments.

Hypnosis and our Audio files are really the best way to adopt the strategies of this post. Our posts recommend the best product matches for this post below.

Logged In Users get better hypnosis recommendations.  Login or Register Here.

Being Registered and Logged In Also Gets Rid Of The Annoying Popups!