There are many reasons why women involved in an female led relationship may incorporate tools into the relationship such as orgasm management, chastity, pegging, and discipline. Most of those reasons I’ve already detailed in some of my previous posts on this site, and those previously discussed items revolve around enhancing sexual and domestic enjoyment for both partners in the relationship. What I have not touched upon in those previous posts are some additional, not widely discussed, more practical reasons why the female partner and for that matter also the male partner, may find benefit from using these FLR practices.
As we all know many men, particularly those of middle aged years and beyond, but also surprisingly large numbers of younger men, experience various issues with their penis’s. These issues can range from premature ejaculation, retarded ejaculation, as well as erectile dysfunction issues. I think men have it very difficult in this regard as they have these big (or not so big:) ) bulky physical appendages which are so out there for all to see during sex. When they have performance issues of any type, particularly with ED but also with premature ejaculation, it’s all too quickly and obviously evident to us women – and to them. There are all sorts of reasons for these issues both physical and mental and it can really become a serious source of relationship angst for any couple. Some men also find it very difficult to orgasm, especially from PIV sex, which can lead to problems as well. Speaking from a woman’s perspective, I feel that frequently, but not always obviously (there are multiple causes for these issues and many are very complex and some are completely and truly out of his control) a fair portion of these penile issues are self induced by a man and stem from his own self abuse issues, i.e. frequent masturbation and over indulgence in various porn imagery. When a man gets used to frequently choking his own chicken so to speak, he very often uses a death type grip on his penis which long term serves to desensitize his penis to the more delicate PIV sensations he requires for partner sex, leading to his inability to ejaculate when inside us. This can be an issue if the woman doesn’t really want to engage in sex or does not enjoy long bouts of sex. All of that prolonged in and out friction as he attempts to orgasm can cause us some pretty intense pain and irritation.
Similarly, if a man conditions himself to viewing certain kinds of porn while masturbating or leading up to his masturbation, he also can condition himself in such a way where without that imagery present in his eyes and mind, i.e. when making love to his woman instead of to the computer screen, he can also not experience all of the mental and visual stimulation that he has conditioned his body to expect for his orgasm to occur in a timely manner. When he over indulges in self pleasure he also depletes his supply of ready semen as well as throws his whole sexual hormonal balance completely out of whack. So his desire for sex may greatly diminish as result. Frequent masturbation can also lead to the reverse condition as well, premature ejaculation. He so frequently over stimulates himself that he trains himself to be on hair trigger for his orgasms. As result us women begin to experience more of the wham bam thank you mam variety of sex. He gets off but we never do. Over indulgence in porn and “self jackery” can also cause situations where he is just no longer finding himself stimulated enough in his mind to enjoy normal partner based sex and he can no longer get it up for us as result.
Again there are many other valid psychological and physical issues which may account for these performance related issues in your man, but a fair percentage of them, I feel can be self induced by his own personal behavior. Diet and exercise, controllable items in his domain, can also play large factor in these types of issues. Obviously if we in an FLR employ tools such as orgasm management and chastity we can curtail much of this self destructive behavior and correct much of these self induced issues for the betterment of both parties in the relationship. These are the aspects of orgasm control and chastity which I have previously posted about. Regardless of whether or not the source of his issues are self made or completely out of his control, FLR tools can come to the rescue of your sexual relationship. This is what I intend to be the real intent of this post today. If partner sex is going to frequently lead to frustrations of ED and ejaculatory issues, both partners experience that pain and frustration, not just the man. The loving partner sex act then suffers greatly as result. I think subconsciously many couples may begin to dread sex because of the inevitability of these issues coming up during sex, so sex becomes, to speak candidly, more trouble than it may be worth. As a wife, it pains me to see the emotional torment and distraught that he may experience when he incurs these various issues during our love making. Take my own sexual satisfaction completely out of the picture with that. So there is all sorts of very real mental and relationship issues experienced by both man and partner when these matters routinely crop up in your love making.
How to remedy his performance issues? The very simple and shockingly “no shit” answer to this whole dilemma is to take away his ability (very largely) to use his penis during sex, ever. It really is that simple of a solution!
Outside of all of the more kink based FLR reasons we usually think of when it comes to restricting his use of his own penis, this straight forward approach gives him and you a simple and foolproof OUT to not willingly experience his performance based issues in the future. He no longer has to feel guilty or mentally tormented by having these issues flaunted in his face every time you have sex. He can instead say psychologically, I am not being allowed to have an erection or experience an orgasm today because my partner is in complete sexual control of me today and that is not what she wants today. I am either being told no orgasm today (through chastity or not), or my penis is not at all being put in play for today’s sexual activities, so its not my fault or in my control, its totally her decision and will that I am bending to. I’m going to be more than happy in just pleasuring her with either my mouth, my fingers or some other tool of her choosing, but not my penis. Believe it or not this simple fact or truth can be so immensely liberating to him as a man. He does not have to worry about performing that day or the next. He knows he wont then suffer the angst of not coming through for you. Similarly this is also a huge relief to us as women as we can skip the whole episode of “yup it happened again, lets clean up and just go back to sleep”. By simply saying to your man “NO PENIS” during our sex tonight, you are freeing him from this overwhelming performance responsibility he may be experiencing. But also in so doing you are also reconditioning him to experience sex in ways much more beneficial both to himself and yourself by doing that, and that is even more important as it truly will improve the sex for both partners despite him having these issues. When you take control of your mans ability to orgasm, his frequency or orgasm, or his ability to manipulate his penis at his own whim whenever he feels like it, you are setting him up for success. You are doing him a huge favor as well as one for yourself. Your love making will improve 10 fold I guarantee it. He will begin to experience sex as something which he primarily does to satisfy his partner, without thinking of himself first. His enjoyment in sex will really come down to his developing ability to bring you to complete sexual satisfaction and orgasm every time you partake. In my marriage this is almost nightly. With time, surprisingly little time, he will really experience immense self sexual enjoyment and fulfillment in simply pleasuring you. Your orgasm becomes his ultimate victory and his sense of manly pride soars as well as it becomes his own pseudo source of orgasm. By my husbands own words, he experiences a huge uplift knowing that his technique and skills brought it about. He experiences a complete sense of physical and psychological nirvana which greatly surpass those he previously experienced when he himself was allowed to orgasm. His penis never leaves his cage when all of this occurs! It really is amazing to the both of us as to how unneeded his penis has become in our love making and how neither one of us really miss it at all in our love making. We both experience sexual and pure mental bliss without it ever coming out to play. Amazing!
By rationing and severely limiting his ability to self play as well as partner play with his penis, you are reconditioning him both mentally, as described above, as well as physically. By restricting his self touch and your touch to his penis you are making it far more sensitive to your (not his) controlled sexual stimulus and when it really counts. When you decide its time for him to come out and play, when you think he is ready AND ABLE. When you think he is deserving of that extra special treat. He is much more likely to perform physically with his penis to both your and his sexual satisfaction as result of this rationing and reconditioning. More importantly, if he does have a re-occurrence of his old issues, and with age related penile issues in particular there is still a good likelihood of that happening despite your best of care, its no longer a big deal! The number of times a year that this potentially is likely to happen will be so few. Due to your rationing of his penis’s use, this won’t become that mental hang up point that it once was for the both of you. It’s no longer constantly on his mind and its no longer constantly disrupting your sexual experiences. By following this controlled technique, it becomes a much more manageable issue for the both of you if and when it re-occurs.
“Honey I know its still a problem and I’m sorry it happened again, but really its not that big of a deal, we have something much better going on right now for the both of us anyhow. Go get cleaned up and lets get your cage back on”.
And then just as suddenly your back to what works and feels best for the both of you for another long stretch of time. The problem is really solved this simply. Your man does not suffer and in fact his sexual satisfaction is greatly increased by employing these techniques. Your man’s frequency and your frequency of enjoyable sex will actually drastically increase following these techniques. So instead of having this relatively small number of sexual encounters which frequently end in utter disappointment for both partners, you go to this new sex which has many more occurrences, possibly even nightly if the woman desires it. Sex where both partners are receiving highly satisfying and pleasurable stimulation. As the woman becomes to experience more and more successful instances of orgasm and/or just plain pleasure as direct result of training her husband in his sexual techniques, her desire for sex is very likely to go up. Following FLR principles your man will become much more receptive to receiving your critique of his sexual performance, and you will be able to direct him much more compliantly in those sexual activities (the proper use of his tongue, his fingers, those penetrative toys) which you find enjoyable and which result in orgasm or pleasure for you. You are re-training his sexual techniques to work for you.
By increasing the number of pleasurable instances of sex for the woman, you are also building his confidence back up. You are making him feel successful and fully capable again with sex. He will take great pleasure in being able to satisfy you. Men are goal driven, men also respond extremely well with visual stimulation (that’s a large part of why they watch so much porn), so by presenting him with this plethora of highly successful sexual activity in which he plays the leading role, you are also driving down his need and desire for porn based activities. You become his porn, and believe me you will be able to get as much sexual attention from him that you desire. This may sound worrying to a woman who is used to getting unsatisfying sex, but through these techniques a woman will find that the physical nature of sex can become extremely nice and something to look forward to. As both of you evolve in your love making, FLR style, I believe that both partners will become highly satiated with the frequency, QUALITY, and duration of sex – I know I did. Sex becomes something which you look forward to and not something which you view with apprehension and possibly dread. So its a big win for him and a huge win for her.
As your FLR evolves, you can also institute other advanced techniques into your love making. Other means of providing him with some direct physical stimulation which does not involve his problematic penis. By this I mean pegging. When you take away his ability to focus 100% of his physical pleasure on his penis, you open up a whole new realm of possibilities for both him and you. You may be surprised as to how quickly your man can become reconditioned to achieve large physical pleasure when that attention is focused to his butt and prostate. He will evolve to greatly enjoy the wonderful and pleasurable sensations you can provide him through back door activity. You are providing him with a very viable and alternate means to achieve physical sexual satisfaction, and he will love you for this. Again thinking out of the box. Making things work and wonderful when certain other things no longer work so well and aren’t quite so wonderful. Sex does not need to begin or end or anything else with his penis in the equation. Don’t get hung up on performance issues and work around them, you may very well learn that when all is said and done nothing is really being given up but there is something truly being gained! I know that in my marriage our sex has never been better for the both of us. FLR and the tools of FLR not only provide us with this huge physical benefit but so many others. Our domestic life is so much better and satisfying. I have covered these other FLR benefits in previous posts. But bottom go away thought for this post, there is more to controlling his cock than meets the eye. Its not just kink! Enjoy.
Non kink based reasons for implementing FLR based techniques in your loving relationship (Guest post by AJ)
The Ultimate Male Chastity Key Holding Experience