http://dommethoughts.com The sex positive musings, thoughts and impressions from Ambre Jade http://dommethoughts.com/orgasms-orgasms-orgasms/ http://dommethoughts.com/orgasms-orgasms-orgasms/

Orgasms, Orgasms, Orgasms

A late night posting tonight. I was a rather busy woman today and recovering from a rather intense reunion with my lover. It had been two weeks (I had strep and didn’t leave my bed and not in a fun way). My lover’s thing is making me cum. As a Domme, pro or lifestyle, I do not let my submissives experience my orgasms. Well, I should say, I rarely let my submissives experience my orgasms. It find it very freeing that I can share these moments with him. Anyway, back to the subject at hand, well his hand more specifically.

He loves making me cum. He can spend hours making me cum without so much as an orgasm for himself. It’s a wonderful quality to have in a lover. There should be more people like that. Thing is, we don’t need hours. There is something about our chemistry together that has me shrieking within moments, squirting within a few minutes. It’s quite crazy actually. I have never really had a lover like that before. Not to say that I don’t orgasm, just not at this frequency or such short intervals.

I lost count last night. The number of orgasms surpassed the point where I could count. He couldn’t count them either, which means it was over 25. All this to say, I am a very tired Domme.

À bientôt

Ambre Jade

Wed, 07 Oct 2015 03:49:49 +0000 AmbreJade en http://dommethoughts.com/orgasms-orgasms-orgasms/ http://dommethoughts.com/how-to-triage-a-fuck/ http://dommethoughts.com/how-to-triage-a-fuck/

How To Triage a Fuck

A girlfriend and I were having a talk last night. She spent a night with a new lover. Has potential right? Wrong, apparently it was not so good. The question came up on how one can triage their potential sexual experience later. I am not talking about a relationship here. I am talking about sex, one night stands, an experience purely for the carnal desires that require little to no intimacy.

I am not really a one night stand kind of woman. I have those moments, the ones where a girl just wants to get laid. I have enjoyed them in the past and will likely enjoy them again in the future. My friend desires sex, just fucking, nothing more nothing less. Just a good time bathing in the sexual experience. No strings, no obligations, just a night shared.

Her rather bland, boring, not so exciting experiences this weekend prompted the question

How does one triage a potential fuck? And how should they be vetted?

The vetting or evaluation process is subjective. Every one has different desires and criteria. More on this in the future. Where was I? Triage… a system that will allow a person insight into whether or not this particular dance partner is one worth taking time for. It’s intuitive for me. I have shitty sex once in my life and it is not an experience I care to repeat, so I feel her pain. The problem is my triage process, completely intuitive. I have no idea how I know my lovers or potential lovers have the ability to satisfy me. It just happens that way. The question did allow me some moments of reflection. It is not something I look at often. I take this ability for granted when really, I should be celebrating it. As I ask around, it seems to be a rare gift.

I connect experiences and random facts I have learned about the person, either through their own admission or from others. These connections are not obvious nor are they always conscious. I just read people quite well, probably why I am so good at my job. So how does one know their sights are set to the right person?

So my friend and I talked and though no clear way to triage a potential fuck came from it, I did from some conclusions on what NOT to do.

1. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Do not get distracted by the physical. Just because some little individual is gorgeous, it does not mean their performance will be worth it.
2. Don’t expect them to read your mind. If this is someone who has difficulty communicating or you, yourself have difficulty communication your desires make sure there is some way for them to know what you want. This does not mean just vocalization but body language or movements.
3. Don’t ignore the way they walk. I can tell a lot about a person by the way they walk. Confidence vs ego, determination vs blasé. Though this is not a clear picture it can be an indicator.

This all depends on the kind of fuck you are looking for. If you are looking merely for a distraction and experience beyond that is not important, then triage is not necessary. I believe the most important key is making sure you know what you want from your escapade. As well as, being able to communicate that.

I was hoping this would be more concrete, with clear methods of triage. The reality is, it is difficult to determine how someone will be while fucking and my magical spidey senses are not a common skill and I should consider myself lucky.

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

Mon, 05 Oct 2015 19:30:31 +0000 AmbreJade en http://dommethoughts.com/how-to-triage-a-fuck/ http://dommethoughts.com/delays-as-usual/ http://dommethoughts.com/delays-as-usual/

Delays As Usual

So I wanted to start my 30 Days of Domme Thoughts on October 1st. But as usual with my slightly unhappy body, I got sick. This time strep. Because I my history with rheumatic fever and heart disease there was no playing around. And because I handle medication so well (she says full of sarcasm and oozing contempt), I was pretty well useless for the ten plus days I have spent in bed.

All this to say that now my fever is gone, my sickness expelled from my physical existence and now I am ready to continue or rather start my Daily Domme Thoughts for the next 30 days. Some of my posts are planned and others, like this one are strung together when I feel the need to release something. Most of my planned posts never work out the way I initially set out to create. I am not sure what that says about my ability to commit… see now this post was about to become something about my commitment issues ?

All this to say that 30 Days of Domme Thoughts has begun with this post being Day One. My planned posts should prove both informative and entertaining, I am looking forward to sharing them. Also be sure that you are following #DommeThoughts as I will be adding in a few random thoughts throughout the month and beyond.

Is there a topic you would like to hear about? A Domme perspective or a truth from me in the coming month? Leave it in the comments or email me AmbientAmbre@gmail.com

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

Also a quick shout out to those of you supporting Domme Thoughts by donating and sending tributes. Your contributions are both appreciated and important to the continuation of this site

Sun, 04 Oct 2015 17:41:24 +0000 AmbreJade en http://dommethoughts.com/delays-as-usual/ http://dommethoughts.com/return-of-30-days-of-domme-thoughts/ http://dommethoughts.com/return-of-30-days-of-domme-thoughts/

Return of 30 Days of Domme Thoughts

30 Days of Domme Thoughts returns for another run. A new post for every day in October. À bientôt, Ambre Jade

Fri, 02 Oct 2015 16:18:56 +0000 AmbreJade en http://dommethoughts.com/return-of-30-days-of-domme-thoughts/ http://dommethoughts.com/enjoy-your-sexual-experience/ http://dommethoughts.com/enjoy-your-sexual-experience/

Enjoy Your Sexual Experience

This is my new favourite thing on the internet:

So many sexual experiences are clouded by shame.  Shame affects us all, even when we least expect it. I have always been lucky in that the majority of my sexual experiences have been empowering. I feel very little shame when it comes to sex, or whom I am attracted to. It always shocks me when people say, “I can talk to you about this but I would never tell anyone else.” When I ask why, it is usually something along the lines of being judged by others.

I understand that not everyone was raised in a sexually empowered environment like I was. That not everyone talks as freely about sex and sexual experiences with those around them as I do. It is unfortunate. Sure, there will always be people who judge. I am judged constantly. I don’t care though. I have always lived counter culture, which means you either constantly fight to justify your choices are you just say, well fuck you. I am happy and don’t need your approval. All that to say the idea of shame is fairly alien to me.

And then, I read (some of) the comments on that fantastic video. In reading them, I started to understand why so many people are hesitant to enjoy the sexual experience. The random correlations that people seem to make with a woman embracing a one night stand is dumbfounding. As a woman, it offends me that the idea of my embracing a one night stand will cause all the children to conceive and hell to reign on earth. I suppose this is where the shame comes from. The ridiculous uneducated trolling of individuals who have nothing better to do than spit random consequences that have little or nothing to do with the sexual experience.

Is this why people feel shame? Because others make snap unfounded correlations between their sexual behaviour and the state of the world? Do people let others’ stupidity affect the enjoyment of their experience? I can’t speak for others or what motivates shame around the sexual experience. All I can do is not feel shame and continue enjoying my sexual self. If people are uncomfortable because of their own hang ups that is their problem and not mine.

This doesn’t mean you have to announce your experiences unless you want to. I just mean, we should not, especially women should not allow people to perpetuate the myths created false correlations between a lack of sexual shame and the downfall of society. Enjoy the sexual experience. Embrace it. If you are feeling shame, make sure that has to do with your own response and not one conditioned by the judgmental people surrounding us.

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

Post Script: My intention in writing this was not the rant that it became. Stupid comments… I allow them to affect me more than I should sometimes.

Sun, 20 Sep 2015 21:21:02 +0000 AmbreJade en http://dommethoughts.com/enjoy-your-sexual-experience/ http://dommethoughts.com/teaching-consent-children/ http://dommethoughts.com/teaching-consent-children/

Teaching Consent: Children

Can consent really be taught? As the mother of a newly minted teenage boy, I often think about this. How can we teach our children abut consent when so many adult don’t even truly grasp the importance of it? Why is it such a challenge for people to understand consent? Are we so preoccupied with our own emotions, desires, wants, that we neglect the other people around us? In a world where you can get just about anything you want, and usually almost instantaneously, is it any surprise that consent is never really discussed?

Teaching consent to children is a challenge. We are constantly forcing them into situation in which they have little or no control. There are exceptions and I am making a huge generalisation but I stand by my perspective. From an early age when make them feel that their opinions don’t matter. This starts at infancy. Infants are passed around from family member to family member, friend to friend, mother to stranger. Children cry and we laugh about how much of a mama’s child they have already become. A child that age cannot voice consent and not everyone can read their children or give a moment’s thought to whether or noth the child consents to being passed around. It continues throughout children, “give aunty June a kiss” “Don’t touch that” “you HAVE to share your toys” simple run of the mill statements to our children, pave the way to their lack of understanding of consent and what it means. I know these statements are meant to teach children to share or show affection, but we forget to have an informed talk with our kids before barking orders at them. Could these violations of their consent pave the way to not understanding consent and its importance? I think so but that does not mean we should let our children do whatever they want. It is a hard balance between teaching and training, understanding and obedience. I am not going to preach about how to raise children, I am merely using this as an example to demonstrate that from an early age children are in situations where informed consent could be present but isn’t.

At a certain maturity niveau, children can understand consent at lot more than we give them credit for. We forget that as parents we can offer them more than direction and orders. We can talk with them about why we do certain things and explain the need for them to do them. Ask them how they feel about situations. Find a compromise. I don’t want to preach about parenting but rather show how parenting is an excellent opportunity to truly change how the future generation understands and implements informed consent.

Something to think about when dealing with children and consent, and the teaching of it. Consent cannot be taught in a do as I say and not as I do model. Look for future posts on understanding consent as an adult and within a sexual context.

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

Fri, 11 Sep 2015 16:07:56 +0000 AmbreJade en http://dommethoughts.com/teaching-consent-children/ http://dommethoughts.com/dealing-with-misogyny/ http://dommethoughts.com/dealing-with-misogyny/

Dealing with Misogyny

I spent the day researching this piece. It was actually going to be in my healthy living blog, as just a general, don’t let sexism stop you in your pursuits sort of piece. As I researched, as I typed in a series of key world relating to misogyny, martial arts, gyms, feminism, etc, I was horrified at the results. Forum posts of men complaining that women who complain are “whales or fugly,” women having their queries shot down by men saying they had no place in MMA (MMA was a popular topic in my searches). How should a woman respond?

I will give you some context for why this piece even came about. In my dojo, and in many proper dojos, gender is rarely a factor. It comes into play with certain things but never are a reason to not do something. Anyway, all this to say a dojo, a school, is considered a safe place. Regardless of where you fall in the hierarchy of your studies, someone will always have your back. During a recent class, a rape joke come out of the mouth of a fellow student. Yes, a rape joke. I shut it down immediately, no one laughed with this individual but it still happened. Steps needed to be taken to assure that this individual was not given the opportunity for a repeat performance. I will not go into the details of that since it became the organisation that took further steps, not just me.

I am lucky in that I am a member of an organisation that understands and strives to abolish this type of behaviour. I am lucky that in hearing his “joke” I was not retraumatised from previous experiences. I am lucky that I am no longer in a place where I could have given my power away to this individual and allowed them to hurt me. Not everyone is there, not every woman is at the same place in their healing process. It could have been a very bad experience.

I am in a position now, where I can determine his punishment. I know what my anger wants his punishment to be, my impulsive need to hurt this individual in a similar fashion to what his potential damage could have been. Long sentence to mean I want to hurt him. But in reality that helps no one. Especially not me. Is punishment really the way to go with this individual? I know his thought process runs along the lines of my being an overly sensitive bitch without a sense of humour. And when it comes to encouraging rape culture, yes I am sensitive, as everyone should be. The fact that people think it is a sensitivity thing, further proves the need to discourage rape culture and demonstrates how deeply rooted the issues are.

This individual is a definite misogynist. The women in the class (there are two of us) are often the focus point of his angry and frustration, not that we cause it but we are who he takes it out on. It has been noticed by other attendees and they have tried to solve this guy’s problems. Unfortunately, this approach has not had any impact on his behaviour.

My goal is not to change his point of view. I have long given up trying to change an individual who is not even able to recognise that they have an issue. That does not mean I will not call people out on their bullshit. Accountability is important. Accountability applies to both those behaving in an inappropriate manner as well as those who let it continue. I am proud of those around me who took steps to rectify the situation and feel good that I was supported.

This should be a lesson to others. That you should support the women around and come to their defense when men are encouraging rape culture and misogyny. Women have a certain impact but men who are proponents of misogyny will not give women a chance to voice their issues. Help women have a voice.

Ambre Jade

Sun, 06 Sep 2015 16:26:58 +0000 AmbreJade en http://dommethoughts.com/dealing-with-misogyny/ http://dommethoughts.com/day-11-perverse-dreaming/ http://dommethoughts.com/day-11-perverse-dreaming/

Day 11: Perverse Dreaming

I find that since my injury (fractured ankle), perhaps as a result of my not being able to sleep in my bed, my dreams have taken on a whole life of their own. More than likely this is due to the meds I am taking, or the pain, seeing as I am not really taking anything that should affect my thought process. Anyway, where was I, oh yes, perverse dreaming. My dreams have taken this whole new level of insanity. It seems that a while different life is being led all while I am restlessly sleeping.

The weirdest part, none of the dreams are odd. They are normal, everyday events. Conversations with people I speak to on a regular basis, the occasional lost friend or lover but really they are so normal that I am never quite sure I am dreaming or not. These conversations are usually simple straightforward. The difference, the biggest difference between my awake self and my dreaming self, is the freedom through which my thoughts become words. Generally, I think before I speak. I think a lot before I speak. Not so much when I type, which is why I write so much. When I speak, each syllable is mapped, planned out and executed in a very deliberate manner. That is not to say I censored myself, I just pick the words, and tone carefully. It takes a fraction of a second, I have always been like that.

I promised some perverse dreaming discussion. So last night’s dreaming was the first that took on a situation apart from reality. I say perverse because this is not a situation I would like to find myself in. Though during the dream I was happy, pleased. I embraced the situation and delighted in it. I was pregnant, early pregnancy. The dream was very specific I was just on cusp of starting my second trimester. Father’s day was very likely the influence of this dream. As a single parent, as a teenage mother, there was no delighting in my pregnancy, a story for another day. Within this dream, everyone was happy. There was bliss in the knowledge that this organism grow within me.

The perverse part of this dream, is the idea of another offspring. I am perfectly content with my life as it is and my son being the age he is, there is no way another child is in the plans. It was nice though, a kind of closure I suppose. Now to hope it was not prophetic ?

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

Tue, 23 Jun 2015 15:05:08 +0000 AmbreJade en http://dommethoughts.com/day-11-perverse-dreaming/


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