“So multiple people offered to throw in cash to get me to go to this event at $nerdhobby, I am so desired.” I’m not bragging, I’m surprised at my popularity and slightly bemused by the absurdity. His reaction is to miss a beat, face going suspicious, “Oh really? Who?” “The very gay $nerdhobbyguy, for one.” I know the implication, but I live with it and measure it accordingly. Boys offering you things is kind of par for the course as an extra level of social complexity to navigate. It sucks as an artist of any kind, because patronage is also how we wend our way, and nobody likes trying to suss out if you are trying to fuck me or support my writing. [...]

I need you to fuck me in a way that makes me want to shred your skin and bruise you. I want to see you vulnerable and helpless and there’s the ache and the little niggling tinge of fear for me because to want something is to let yourself be open to the possibility of not having it. I want to be able to just take you. And to make you perform for me. I want to lure you in, to learn where all your buttons are, so that I can push them at will. It’s a potent, heady feeling when I zip up my leather boots and you get that look. Your tongue touches your lip and your eyes go unfocused and [...]

Lately it’s been a life lived in a general state of desire I’ve missed. I’m happy to have my lust back, happy to crave and want and not feel completely undesired although I have once again screwed myself (and not in the good way) via setting my wants on someone out of easy reach for their regular use. I’ve endeavored to sublimate that desire into productivity. My not so stable office gig finally tipped over, commanding I look elsewhere. There have been  a few auspicious leads, but just starting the process. So career shift joins the other life changes that this year brought. You already know I ended things with Wildcard. I also basically closed the door on my monthly munch, being more [...]

I like this, but not for sex. From time to time, as a blogger, I’m privileged to get random free samples shucked my way, for the publicity my talking about it gives, and also beta testing. In the case of The Butters, an oil based lube, it is one of the nicest moisturizers I have ever tried, but… I don’t want to put it on my vulva, or give someone a hand job with it, or slick up a toy with it. I will happily rub it into my legs and face, but it is not a good sex product for me. And this brand does EVERYTHING right, so don’t think this is one of my little rants, like my disapproval of those [...]

I went to New York last weekend. Three days, two sleeps, flying down to Laguardia, waiting anxiously at the airport for him to arrive and the meet up, full of bounce as weeks of anticipation culminated in the hard impact of bodies next to the baggage carousel. The heat off us and the mist of lust kept us cocooned as my hands stroked his chest, my lips met his and my body insistently pressed. He was already hardening just from my touch, there, gooey but not pushing the bounds of good taste in public too far. We took a taxi to Manhattan, where our hotel sat just off Wall Street. I was in New York, one of my favourite cities and I didn’t [...]